My Friends, Real Friends Better Than Your Friends

Talking about friendship is such a loaded topic, and I love that more people are talking about it. I have always been one of those people who takes friendships seriously. It takes me a while to truly call someone a friend. I am super guarded, and it takes me time to really trust a person. So once I trust you, we are pretty much locked in for life (unless you take it too far).

I used to be an all-in or all-out type of person, but I’m learning that friendships don’t have to be this cut and dry. I had to have the dreaded conversation with myself. 

Why am I like this? Why do I take friendships more seriously than others? Why am I all in or all out? Why do I have a hard time categorizing friends? 

In my mind, if you’re my friend, you’re my friend…why should I have to place you in a category? I feel like I should be able to do anything and talk to my friends about anything. I didn’t understand why people had friends for certain things.

Let me tell you how, in 2023, I learned that having friends for certain things was the solution to a lot of my high expectations when it came to friends. I had to dig deep and really think…what friends are for what things? When I did this, it helped me find my place in people’s lives. There are friends I have for venting, friends I have for advice, friends I have to talk about all things Jesus, friends I have to lay around with and do nothing, I have friends who understand the realities of being a mom, I have friends who will fight for me, and I have friends that will pray for me. Now granted, some of these friends fit into multiple categories, but all of them don’t, and that’s fine, too. 

I found myself always trying to be everything to everybody when it isn't reciprocated because I try to live by 

I’m going to be me regardless of what other people do mindset. 

However…I've learned that this can allow people to cross boundaries and take advantage of you because they know regardless of what they do, you’re going to stick around. And sometimes, people aren’t doing this intentionally. That said, I set solid boundaries. I am still who I am, but I don’t overplay my role in anyone's life. 

If you don't ask me about my goals, I don't ask you about yours, and I’m not telling you mine. If you don’t check in on me, I don’t check in on you. I got so tired of always being the one to check on people. If you don’t invite me, I don't invite you, and I also don't question why I wasn't invited. If you don't give me details about things, I don't give you details. I don’t overshare information. 

Friendships are give and take. 

I've also learned that everyone doesn’t have the same capacity as me, and that’s okay. Everyone doesn't think the same as me, and that’s also okay. It’s also okay to upgrade and downgrade where your friends are in your life. It just happens, and there's nothing wrong with it. 

I posed a question to one of my friends, and I’m curious to know what you think. Do you think you can have a friend who encompasses everything you need in a friendship? Or do you feel like that’s far-fetched? 

My friend said she feels like you can have a friend that encompasses everything you need in a friendship. What do y’all think?

Before I end this blog, I have to say this: I am SO glad that I married my BEST FRIEND. Marrying my best friend helped me navigate my thoughts and feelings around friendship. Because one thing the girlies know is that men are almost always right when it comes to who their significant others' real friends are. There hasn't been one time where this man was wrong in his perspective about a friend I’ve had.